I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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