finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
