If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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