bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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