Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
