none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
