if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
