im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
