I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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