Don't you send me to vm
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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