White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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