I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
