My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
