After last night, I could never be a politician.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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