you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
