Say something about gay babies.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
