my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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