don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
