I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
