Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
