I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
