Sry I called you an 8
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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