Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Actions speak louder than pants.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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