Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.

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(513): View more from Ohio

She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

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(503): View more from Oregon

I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...

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(719): View more from Colorado

Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.

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(757): View more from Virginia

they won't let me drive with my sombrero

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates

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(801): View more from Utah

‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬

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