a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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