We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just found puke in my bra..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
