maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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