JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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