And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
