My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
