I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
