the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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