Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Found your dick twin last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
