i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
