This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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