I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
