Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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