I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize