Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
