You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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