did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
