Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(562): View more from California

Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop

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(951): View more from California

ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am

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(802): View more from Vermont

I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.

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(240): View more from Maryland

i think i left a case of beer in your dryer

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(503): View more from Oregon

Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs

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(406): View more from Montana

I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy

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