youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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