Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
