Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
