I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
