you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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