haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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