a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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