He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
