they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As shirtless as possible
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
