I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Soap is not a condiment
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize