I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
