so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
