I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
