week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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