dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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