My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
