hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
