So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
