you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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