we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
