I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He passed out mid-signature
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
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