Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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