brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
